Y

Well of course I would get an email from him shortly after my last entry... apparently him and Gray spoke last Saturday about how we're no longer talking but Gray came off as mad at him and He spent the rest of the weekend brooding over it all and then reached out to me to find out exactly what went down. Seems like he had totally created a much worse scenario in his head, but he is clearly still hurt by Gray's decision to continue talking to me... we ended up chatting on google hangouts for a while that night after I emailed him back giving as much information as I could.  We once again have made plans to get together and I'm not going to bail this time, three times is just rude. So right now I'm trying to get right in my head why I'm allowing this to happen because I know it doesn't mean he wants to be with me.  I guess I'm trying to think of this as the goodbye I never got? The chance to know that the last time is the last time even if none of me will want it to be the last time. I have never regretted any of the time I've spent with him so I guess I'm just banking on that staying true.  I've been so sad, for so long, what is the harm in one night of fun? In one night of pretending I still have Him in my life. I know it's hard to keep my thoughts and hopes in check, and I want to talk about this with someone, but everyone in my life will talk me out of it and I don't want that. I think I deserve to have one last good memory. I don't understand why he no longer thinks we're worth all the hard, but that doesn't make my feelings for him change in the slightest so why not take advantage of one more night to love him freely.