Welp I'm officially trying to no longer write in the blog that He may or may not be sometimes reading. It has been nice to be able to get out my thoughts to him and know that I wasn't burdening him. That if he did indeed see them, it was his choice. But at this rate, it no longer feels healthy and I really do want to have a life that he knows nothing about. But I can't seem to quiet the parts of me that want to know if he misses me, if he thinks of me at all, if this is really what he wants... this whole not being in each others lives.
I'm trying harder to focus on the facts of it all, that whole actions speak louder than words... in all of this, what actions has he taken to show he actually genuinely cares for me? He has said such lovely things to me whenever there's a reconciliation but I've still always been a secret for the most part, I never was a priority. I have never deserved to feel the way that he makes me feel...this feeling of not being enough. Of feeling crazy and stupid for loving him. Someone who loves you shouldn't make you feel like that. Someone who loves should not repeatedly hurt you in the same fashion. Someone who loves you would make sure you knew what you mean to them. Someone who loves you would be in your life. And I deserve someone who loves me.
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